Our (non) Engagement Story
I had a light bulb moment last Thursday that has made me breathe easier and most likely helped Tony breathe easier (and might possibly help those of you who are on the slower track to marriage breathe easier as well).
It all started last week when one of my high school girl friends got engaged. Then one of Tony’s good friends from college proposed to his girl friend. And then (thanks, Facebook) the 3rd engagement was his ex-girlfriend.
On one of our quick phone dates between boot camp and pool we were talking. My smartass self asked him if he was “okay” with his ex-getting engaged and he said he was glad. Then he continued on to say the only negative feeling whatsoever is because even if he wanted to propose he couldn’t because he doesn’t have the means. Hearing that statement as if he doesn’t want to propose made me feel like, well, an idiot. I always thought he wanted to marry me. I mean, duh, why not?!
So then I asked (kind of freaking out but not really), “Wait, even IF you wanted to??” Then he quickly emphasized that of course he wants to but our current situation (bi-coastal) is not ideal in doing so at the moment and of course, not having an actual income as a graduate student. So then the “Girl Power/Independent Woman” in me decides to say, “Well that’s fine. I mean I’ve already done a lot as a single female. I already have my own place, I’ve had 2 careers, and by the time I get married I will have gone through my 20s single accomplishing this and that without a partner where other girls have the luxury of having someone to accomplish these things with.” I was about to lose my shit. My grand cherry on the top was, “Well, whenever you feel ready I hope I even want to still get married because what’s the point really???” (Can we say, Snarky Bitch?)
This whole time Tony remains completely put together and calm. Replying, “Well, I would hope you would see the point in me wanting to marry you” and also, “Do you not feel like we aren’t there for each other right now as support?” (I don’t know how he does it, it being putting up with my freak outs and well, of course I feel his support even from 3,000 miles away but that wasn’t my point.)
The first round of pool playoffs were awaiting me and we had to end the conversation in the meantime. While I was sitting watching my teammates play I had an epiphany so as soon as I got in my car I whipped out my phone. I said, “Bottomline: I want you. I’ve always wanted to get married but for whatever reason, if it never happened for us, that would be okay because being with you is more important to me. I don’t care as much about the what as much as I do the who.” This (well there was more but that was the key part) was my proposal to him and he reciprocated like feelings and reassured me in saying that he wouldn’t know why marriage wouldn’t happen for us.
The voice in my head that caused me to have this epiphany pretty much said, “You idiot. Do you know how lucky you are to have someone in your life like this? Someone smart, a goal-setter and goal-getter. Someone that nurtures your lifestyle instead of slowing you down?? Focus on that and forget all the outside noise. That shit doesn’t matter.” And that voice was right – it’s not a race (I’m competitive by nature, sorry!). What creates a valuable, quality relationship is not a ring on a finger or a legal document, it’s exactly what we already have and continue to invest in and I am without doubt, so grateful for that.
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Tags: about me, beau, goals, happy, long distance relationship, love, positive
This weekend was a true testimony of how socially awkward I am or (to make me feel better) your mid to late 20s can be.
Friday – After a long day at work I had Bar Method® then Dream Dinners®. Afterwards I had to fulfill my ‘landlord’ duties and fix the roommate’s bathroom sink (joy!). By this time it was about 9pm and I had to get ready for my friend’s 31st birthday party in Brentwood. I was exhausted but felt obligated to go. So I threw on a blonde wig and a flannel shirt up and called myself a ‘cowgirl’.
By the time I walked in the apartment it was 1030pm. Everyone was hammered. There was music playing from a lap top, small talk was being made, girls were sizing each other up, guys were trying to talk “grown up/successful” while constantly scanning the room to see where their best chances of getting laid were. All in all I felt awkward. I was too sober & calm for the female participants and totally useless to the male species since I was both sober and taken.
Saturday – I woke up exhausted because I only had a few hours of sleep. I went to Bar Method and then dance only to find myself bawling in my car in the parking lot outside the studio. I felt alone. I felt weird to not have fun at the party on Friday night – everyone was nice and Stephanie/Frank/John are good friends to the both of us. On another note I also feel weird when I hang out with a mellower local group of friends because I find myself, well, bored. It makes me sad that I’d rather be at home cleaning, doing laundry, or working out than socializing with people my own age.
I’ve always been social. What’s going on? Am I depressed? Am I subconsciously putting my life on pause while Tony is away at grad school? Ewwww – that’s pretty lame and dependent if I am. Who is this girl sobbing on her steering wheel??
Even Tony, my voice of reason, talked to me but I was already at the point of no return. So I got off the phone, dried my face off and danced it out. This of course helped me. Having Kelly in class with me and Vivian teaching just gave me a good feeling of comfort. When Kelly told me she hung out with Ashley the night prior having leftovers at her house I felt better knowing that there were people in their 20s that don’t need to be doing shots or keg stands. People that would rather spend quality time with the people they cared about.
Anyways, I was allowed to leave early to take Dad to the Kings game. The game was great and I helped mom make dad a healthy dinner (blood sugar has been high). Afterwards I swung by an old college friend’s place in Old Town Pasadena and we walked and got coffee. We talked about property value, career growth, and life goals. Once again I felt better knowing that other people have the same concerns as I do and/or certain responsibilities.
Sunday – After Bar Method® I cleaned. Then I got ready for “Book Club”. This really was the icing on the It’s okay to be neither here nor there cake. Neither here nor there is referring to not being a crazy party girl but not being a full blown house wife that goes to bed at 8pm. We talked about BOBs, porn, frequency of sex, ex-lovers (our own and our significant others), family dysfuntionalities (made up word, whatever), means of living, finding balance in life, marriage, social networking, career ideas, pet peeves, dreams, blogger meet-ups and then some. I went home happy that night feeling much more human and far from a martian that stumbled onto this planet for the first time ever.
I think the greatest lesson learned was at “Book Club” though. Not to do things out of obligation. Say ‘no’ if you don’t want to go to a party. Make time for people that truly matter to you versus acquaintances. Stay home and do laundry instead of doing happy hour eating and drinking putting things you’d rather not have in your body. It might seem boring or redundant to some but at the end of the day, it’s my time and time is way, way more valuable than ever right now for me.
Thank you Andrea, Dana, Ev’Yan and of course our wonderful hostess, Crystal for that therapy session. I really needed that sort of company and those brownies, cookies, bruschetta, wine, and cake in my stomach as well. 
On a more positive ending note we also discussed the power of saying “yes” and the opportunities that you come across when you put yourself out there. For example, if I never volunteered to organize Liz’s 25th birthday party, Tony and I would’ve never hit it off and the karaoke bar and he would’ve left for Virginia without our epic first week together before he left for the East Coast. That’s just one example.
Do you ever get the feeling that you are neither here nor there? What are some things you have learned to say NO to for your own sanity?
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Tags: 2009, about me, blog friends, busy, dance, exes, facebook, family, friends, happy, relationships
Home(run) Stretch
December is well on it’s way & I am determined to spring my way to the finish line which is my trip to spend Christmas/New Year’s with Tony and his family.
This weekend I have Dream Dinners, ballet, bar, bikram, one birthday party, book club & a date with my dad to the Kings game. Sunday is my day of rest and I must clean – put away the warm clothes & unpack the winter clothes.
It’s so tempting to talk myself out of eating “wisely” or attaching myself to the couch to catch up with Glee, SYTYCD, Grey’s, my netflix, or my Oprah but like I said, it’s the homerun stretch. Before I know it I’ll be up in Washington with a mug of hot chocolate keeping warm by the fire with Beau. *sigh* 3 more weeks
Until then, enjoy the little scrapbook-y, slide show from Thanksgiving weekend. CLICK HERE
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Tags: 2009, about me, beau, blog friends, busy, family, friends, long distance relationship, workout
On the 12th month of 2009…
Things you can learn about me from the above image of my December Workout Calendar.
1. I am a visual person. I was anxious on the way to work on this morning and decided I need to write it all out and see/know that everything I need to do this month is feasible.
2. I don’t (fully) trust technology yet and resort to printing out blank google calendars.
3. This will make the time fly before I get to see Tony again.
4. I ensure that I am getting my bang for my buck in fitness memberships.
5. Pool and Dance both go on a “holiday break” – more time for Bikram/Bar/Cardio.
6. I decided to continue to do Dream Dinners. Yummy! (3 words – Healthy Bread Pudding or should I say less unhealthy…)
7. I really had issues planning December 19th. Between Brazilian Wax, Bar, Spa day. I think I finally decided Bar, Brazilian Wax, Spa Day all of this happening before noon. My roommate calls this, “Workout until you die day.”
8. I have a very long vacation up in Washington with the Beau’s fam up ahead. Mama Beau is planning fun things for us, including woo-woo stuff! (holistics) I will try skiing…again. My first WHITE CHRISTMAS. Best part, he is coming back down for the entire week following.
9. I will be done shopping this weekend.
10. My handwriting is cursive/print hybrid and yes, I found it necessary to draw a heart every time I scheduled cardio. I think it reminds me that I have to or my heart will suffer immensely. (I hate cardio.)
How do you keep yourself organized? Blackberry? MyAgenda? Iphone? Mental notes? Post-its??
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Tags: about me, beau, dance, lists, long distance relationship, positive, update
Gaza yagabzal yushen
…that was a Thank you in Harari which is spoken in Ethiopia.
In honor of Thanksgiving one of MY personal holidays, I decided to thank some people & things in my life presently for being rather awesome. Before ctrl+c and ctrl+v the body of a word document, I wanted to thank those that shared the things that made them happy in my last post. I think so often drama, controversy, & misery draws a lot of attention. Thanks for giving my Turn That Frown Upside Down post your time of day. Sharing happiness is like a breath of fresh air now and days (sadly!).
On to the things I am thankful for…(I’d call for a drumroll but it’s really not necessary):
1. Tea Tree Oil & Cocoa Butter, thank you for helping me heal from this ridiculous rash that apparently comes and goes as it pleases.
2. Tony, (no, hon, I love you more than Tea Tree Oil & Cocoa Butter, it’s just that I just finished applying some behind my ear) thank you for loving me regardless of when I’m being a brat or completely neurotic.
3. My commute, thank you for being short, so short that when I listen to Love Story, I sit with my car in parked to finish rocking out.
4. Ballet, thank you for not completely leaving my body when I left you for Sports. You have such a nostalgic aura to you that takes me back to my pre-teens every time I strap on a pair of pointe shoes.
5. Taylor Swift, thank you for being adorable. Your music makes me happy and I love the way you put Joe Jonas on blast. I totally would too if I could play the guitar…and sing.
6. Blog friends (including “crossover friends” aka real life/blog friends), thank you for being a soundboard and for sharing yourselves. I have enjoyed reading about so many interesting woman around this country. All of us so different in so many ways but obviously share the desire to write about our life’s journey. Some call it narcissistic, I call it beautiful and healthy.
7. Career, thank you…I know sometimes I talk about moving on from you, but it has nothing to do with YOU and everything to do with me. You have been, AMAZING, and have provided me with a lot of blessings. I sometimes catch a glimpse of me in my suit and heels walking through the building and still giggle remembering my days of making peanut butter balls and making vats of juice at the Children’s Center. (PS. Thank you for culinary classes! Love you!!)
8. Body, first off, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this weird rash virus thing but seriously, I’m so proud of you. I know I went from putting like 3,000 calories into you to about less than 1/2 of that and I also wake you up from your slumber to either pedal on a bike that goes now here or do the same damn 26 poses in a heated room. I drop you from 20 feet of silk, make you stand on your toes, and do evil thigh workouts. You’ve stuck it out and I’m proud and happy. We’ll hopefully hit our 30’s with a BANG.
9. Family, thank you for being hard on me yet very loving and supportive. I don’t do well with being coddled and I’m glad I don’t.
photo: Norfolk, VA current home of Tony & one of my favorite places in the country.
Who and what are you grateful for this Thanksgiving 2009?
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Tags: 2009, blog friends, dance, friends, happiness, happy, long distance relationship, positive
In the midst of reading extremely devastating news on cnn.com, seeing a friend getting attacked by a group of Mean Girls, hormones, coming off of my “rash meds” (complicating sleep), confirming that the “Ex-Girlfriend” was just as wretched as expected and a mysterious visit from Aunt Flo that has lasted almost twice as long as her normal visit I found myself pretty perplexed by it all. So instead of diving into a tub of fro-yo and hitting the McD’s drive thru, I decided it was time to PUT MY BIG GIRL PANTIES ON AND DEAL WITH IT.
My first self-therapy session I decided to make a list of 10 things that make me smile, feel good & give me faith that good exists even if you are puking in a shopping bag on your closet floor while a rash is rapidly spreading along the surface area of your body. (RE: Rash)
Things that turn my frown upside down.
1. Jobin as some of you know him as, Riley. He’s ridiculous. He totally is taking advantage that “dad” is back at school and I’ll be SO enthralled in Desperate Housewives or Grey’s that it isn’t until the end of the show that I realize he’s nuzzled his way in my lap and is in deep REM. Why is he SO tired??? What does he do all day???? It just cracks me up. I can’t help it.
2. When I’m sitting and having a normal adult conversation with my roommate. Pulling into the driveway, seeing her car and being excited to see her is something that has been completed foreign to me in the past year. (RE: Giant Couch Potato)
3. Coffee. I love how some days I can add like a cup of sugar for a more “dessert-like treat” & others I’ll just add a splash of Almond Milk.
4. Glee, Taylor Swift, & Ellen Degeneres. If my happy place existed all 3 of these things listed would without doubt exist there.
5. Being able to be extremely and open with my close friends and not being judged. They let me be neurotic for like 10 minutes & then laugh at/with me when I’m ready to realize how ridiculous I’m being.
6. I have an amazing boyfriend. He’s really like no other and the longer I am with him, the more I realize how unbelievably strong, smart, & confident he is. I have a strong personality and at times can be a bit emotional which can cause somewhat erratic behavior but he puts me in my place. I need that. I want that. I can’t stand when men are doormats. I need to be grounded during times of emotional crisis.
7. Pumpkin EVERYTHING. The color, the flavor, the scent. Yes, please!
8. Working out. It’s so rewarding & being that I’m in my 3rd year of my career & having things be expected of me, I need something that has immediate gratification like a 90-minute sweat fest, Level 2 Bar classes or 3 hours of ballet.
9. Dream Dinners®! I can’t believe how easy it is. How organized! I was greeted by a very friendly owner upon arrival. I had my own little fridge section with my name on it and everything is SO clean and organized! I love, love, love it! It’s so relaxing to just go station to station preparing your meals. It also helps me control my portions (I can put it away!). It helps on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday nights when I get home late from working out.
10. The California Sun (Vitamin D). I swear if I lived in Seattle this past week I might not have made it out of the house. This passed weekend I walked around my hometown (Pasadena) for about 1.5 hours running errands in Old Town. It’s was like Pasadena was giving me a BIG warm hug and embraced me with it’s beautiful, historical architecture and diverse and cultured habitants.- exactly what I needed. Thank you, Mr. Sun, for shining down on our state and making dark, gloomy days less painful.
Bonus: Grabbed myself a new shirt this weekend. : )
In the spirit of turning my frown upside down please tell me what things in particular have that magic wand effect of snapping you out of a crumby mood?
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Tags: blog friends, exes, friends, fun, happy, life lessons, love, relationships, self therapy, workout
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Tags: complexes, exes, personal, too honest
“If you like it then you should’ve put a ring on it. Don’t be mad when you see that he wants it…” – BK
Sunday was Friend Day (brunch buddies, stopping by the BFF house and then dinner with my life long friend). During this Friend Day I found one friend crying into her vegetarian omelet during brunch and the other celebrating her 14th anniversary of dating. Both of them wanting the same thing – The Proposal. My heart aches for both of my darling friends & I find myself with very little to say to make things feel better. “He loves you!” “It will happen soon…” “Don’t you want it to be a surprise?” “Maybe there’s something going on with himself that he needs to figure out before he takes the plunge?” “He might be waiting for the perfect time.”
It’s a slippery slope for females at this point of their lives. Do you want to get engaged knowing that it was because of the ultimatum you gave him? Or do you “suffer silently” waiting for him to pop the question when he feels it’s appropriate? Do you want your engagement to feel more like a business deal or do you want to movie romance proposal?
Tony & I were able to have a long hour conversation about the whole ordeal. After a while the whole marriage thing felt like “prom” but of course an adult prom. You know in high school when it’s just becoming more of a nuisance than something fun leading some people to just say “forget it; I’m just not going to go”? Well I have a few friends who have that “forget it” mentality. I personally swing from what I believe to be a healthy state (it will happen when it happens) to forget the whole thing, it’s overrated (RE: prom reference).
I guess in my fairy tale world – I would be proposed to around the time I feel like I’m ready to graduate into the next step of the relationship and of course it’d be somewhat expected but still a surprise. It would be nice if both sides of the party would have lives that are that in tuned with each other. I think that’s what needs to be communicated between the couple. If he wants a down payment on a home before he does that or if he needs to have established job security for over a year prior, than this just NEEDS to be communicated to the female. Otherwise, she is stuck finding herself question his loyalty, level of commitment &/or herself.
Anyways, I had to get that off my chest because my yesterday was very much spent discussing marriage proposals, ultimatums and my own future with Tony. We established this much – we know “the who”, it’s about the when and as far as I’m concerned the most important thing for me is to be with him, even if it means staying home and watching a movie instead of rushing to go to prom. As he put it in conversation, both of our wheels are turning in the same direction…hopefully this is the correct formula to avoid breaking out into the Beyonce song & or tears over a beautiful Sunday brunch with girl friends.
Where do you stand on the whole marriage proposal thing? Do you want to get married? How would you prefer a proposal? And if you are married – were you surprised? Did you give HUGE hints? Did you give an ultimatum? Please share!
Thought it’d be appropriate to post a photo of me seeing the infamous Beyonce song on Halloween during Scary-oke. It’s actually a really difficult song to sing while trying to replicate the music videos. I didn’t have back up dancers either. SEMI-FAIL.
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Tags: friends, halloween, late 20s, relationships
Kind of a lot of topics to fit in what’s supposed to be a short-ish post. I’ll do what I can!
- So during my lunch break on Saturday (bar method & ballet from 730am-noon) I decided it was a good time to catch up on Grey’s Anatomy. I started balling. Then somehow I thought watching Lisa Nieme (Patrick Swayze’s wife) on Oprah was a good idea. *shiver* I should probably stop typing about how moved I was because I’ll probably just cry all over again. I just love their relationship – filled with love, passion, loyalty, and adventure. After balling my eyes out for 2 hours I headed to Bikram which was 90 minutes of hard core sweating. I was extremely tired after further removing my body of its water supply.
- Sunday morning I woke up in pretty bad condition. My stomach burned from the margaritas I had from the night prior and my roommate was in the bathroom. So I decided to puke in a shopping bag in my closet (low point). Afterwards, I realized my back stung. I ran to the mirror to check it out only to find marks that looked like bug bites and lashings. Pretty much the rest of the morning I spent stressed out and realizing that there was no one in close range that I would I would want to ask for help/support from. This was a really sad thing to realize. So I stayed on the phone with Tony and sent pictures to my mom. Drove myself to urgent care and found out I had the very common, yet mysterious Pityriasis rosea. Swell. I had soup, DVR and sleep the rest of the nigh and skipped out on my morning workout. Needless to say, this has contained more than ½ of the rash. Thanks, Body, for the big fat hint to slow myself down once in a while.
- So as you can imagine I was an emo wreck laying in fetal position feeling awful. Big things were surfacing, bigger than the pityriasis rosea – I admitted very matter of factly that despite how grateful I am for everything I have going for me, my life feels like a “rehearsal” right now. It doesn’t feel like it will truly start until I have my co-pilot in the same zip code under the same roof as me. I was scared to admit this because, I’m a “strong, successful, independent female” that doesn’t need a “man” to make me happy. That’s the thing though – it’s not about being lonely or wanting just anyone. Anyways, Tony, was able to reach through to me via phone and reminded me of how quickly 2011 will come and that there are things that this time apart will allow us to do in preparation. He’s right – he’s right and I just have to keep focused. I guess what scares me is that if anything were to ever happen (knock on wood) my biggest regret would be to not have bit the bullet and just moved out to Virginia to be with him. But more than likely nothing “bad” will happen & 2011 will come as quickly as 2010 has and our adventure will be able to commence. I just need to focus, like he said, which I think I do well for the most part – I just had a weak moment, ya know?
- During this “rehearsal” time preparing for the “real thing” I will be working not only on my physical wellness but also paying off all debt and SAVING. I also want to open the door to different career adventures – yes, I’m moonlighting! I am looking into teaching ballet classes. Yes, I’m finally putting that minor into use. This might sound pretty insane – but I envision a life working different part time jobs. I think it just suits my personality to do more than just one thing. That is the way I’ve always been. Oh and I mean like 2-3 concrete jobs not like answering phones, babysitting and/or pretending like my yelp reviews is a career or something. Anyways, I figured any dance teaching job on my resume could open doors to potential jobs in the future after my white knight saves me from the suburbs.
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Tags: about me, beau, long distance relationship, positive, update
Favorite (necessary) Things
Before I begin let me start by saying that this post is a part of 20SB’s Blog Carnival: Can’t Live Without, and Alice.com is awarding prizes to lucky bloggers and readers!
Having said that let me explain this short list of favorite things. They are necessary as in my head would explode if I went a day without them.
1. Hanky Panky Underwear: One size fits all? No over hang on the waistline? Fun colors? No wedgies? No panty lines? I’ve been wearing these for over 4 years now. I started with 2 pairs and now have about…oh short of 365. They were once a boutique item but are found in most department stores. There are MANY imposters but you can tell the difference – TRUST ME.
2. Sonicare Toothbrush: Every morning I wake up to the same buzzing sound from my Sonicare. 2 minutes of intense cleaning gives me the confidence to talk within a close distance of people and smile ear to ear knowing that my teeth are *gleaming*..I am so dependent on my Sonicare that I took it with me on a camping trip. Yes, the charge lasts at least 5 days.
3. My water bottle from Gaiam. I found this water bottle while in a line at the book store. I fell in love with it from the moment I saw it. It even is defected (I can’t drink from the squirt top and have to unscrew it everytime) but I still love it. I even stuck on stick on letters to spell my name and everything. (That’s as “crafty” as this girl gets.) Anyways, I get major anxiety attack if I don’t have it with me as it has undergone intense Tissu (aerial silk class), dance rehearsals, early morning swim classes, lap swimming, 10k training, bar classes, pole dancing, and hikes.
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Tags: 20sb, favorite things
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The Person Responsible For This
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